Give us the desire of our hearts. What are we desiring? I can say that I have been dwelling on all that has happened to me and I know that a time will come when I am healed from it and will not be troubled by it. It does take time to heal. But, ultimately, God answers prays if it is within His will. But if we are not praying for each other, how can He give us the desires of our hearts?

In my many frustrations, I have acted out in impatience to all that has happened to me. I put up with foul mouths, nasty tone of voice, rejections. All because I do not present all my problems to the Lord.

To think that things are going to automatically happen because He is God and God will do what ever He wants, may not necessarily happen due to lack of faith.

Who is going to be our brothers keeper? That is us. We still need to pray for others as one of our responsibilities. I often just sit back and let people go about their ways that hurt me and wonder what God is going to do to them. On the other hand, Christ is so merciful and graceful. I wonder how and why God takes ones life in our numbered days. Is he shortening our lives due to the continuation of our sin or is it the consequences set forth by the covenant with God. The penalty for sin in the old testament is death. But Christ brought in a new covenant with God because He was sent to teach the word of God and by serving it.

We are here on earth to be responsible with everything the God gives us.

I often expect harsh punishments to those around me, including me, of all the sin that are caused against the word of God. I can't stand a potty mouth that just goes on without a desire to change. The Lord does hand us over to our own devices. We do have our own choices to make. In my rebellion, am I going about my own desires and being turned over to them? Or, am I going through a trial by God to learn something new...

As I wander in my trial, of which Christ says He will always be with us, I AM relying on my own thoughts and not standing firm in my faith. Instead of my faith, I am relying on my own thought process. So, as I fathom at this point in my life and see that the Lord is calling out to me, am I about to be delivered out of my trial and tribulation? My God given desire to answer His call is something that I cannot ignore. I am His sheep and I do hear His voice when ever I begin to wander... and I have wondered for some time. The amazing thing of it all, is that the Lord is ALWAYS there to receive us back... with arms wide open, no matter what we have done or how much we have rejected Him, or how I did not uphold His law that has been taught.

All in all, I have taken a depressive stance on other peoples actions that, over and over, has conditioned my heart in such an abusive way. That is not how Christ did it when He was here. Yeah, He did dispair, He did become troubled by the circumstances He was put through. But, He did not give in to depression as I have. He did teach us to not to dwell on the past. He did say that He is the great restorer of our lives. Why a restorer? Because there is one who destroys.

How many times have I written something to this effect? How many times do I look back and read what was shared with me?

I think the bottom line is that I must learn to re-trust Christ, knowing that I need to pray for those around me, knowing that I am only here for a short while. Knowing that I will be with Christ someday with no more pain, no more fears and no more tears. I CAN DO THAT. There is much going on around me and I need a savior as well as those amongst me.

Lord, can You lead me to share Your love for us, not the hatred that we are too familiar with. For I know that You can cover our minds and our heart with Your peace. This is not a perfect place, but You are with us to endure and not be held down by strongholds. I love You and need You is such desperation. Thank You for being silent in my life, but even more, thank You for calling out to me. I love You.