Things I need to surrender:
- idleness
- doubt in having a job provided to me
- resentment vs. my wife in how she has taken the kids to a far away place
- pain in missing my girls
- my emptiness
I carried a ton of resentment towards my wife and that just seemed to make trouble in my life quadruple. I cut out Facebook, playing games w/ my wife, talking to my wife; being non-social. But once I kinda let go, a lot of the burden was also let go.
As I am today, my 'life' seems dehydrated. Dead as a result of living on my own values; or the world values and not keeping my faith in my Lord.
live by faith and not by sight.
I CAN:
- live w/out my girls until spring
- God will provide a job for me
- Things are going to be all right
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Utter Helplessness
One thing that I have and that the Lord wants me to experience is utter helplessness. I am in a point in my life where I feel like I can do nothing. Nothing correct. The only thing I do is eat, sleep, exercise and be in the word of God. I have no job; no source of income to provide for my wife and children.
But, as I try and see if from God's perspective, what is He doing in my life. I believe that He is in the restoration stage in my life. I need much healing and understanding of how He want me to handle my current situation. You see, I am reaping what I have sown in my life. I had premarital sex that basically conceived my marriage. I acted on my flesh and went my own way apart from walking hand in hand with my Lord. He is the giver of life, and when I went on my own destruction path, I ruined God's plan that He had in mind for me. So, it is my belief that He is restoring my life back to what it was once before. Meaning, that He is getting my life back on track with His will.
The Lord walked upon a tree and He was hungry. He seen that it did not BEAR FRUIT and said, "bear fruit no longer".
A season has passed where things will be put to death, and a season of new growth will emerge.
What is God pruning in my life?
All things word together for my good.
He is the author of my life.
Our days are numbered... We did not bring Him any glory in our marriage, just destruction.
Peter fished all night and got nothing. The Lord instructed him to go into the deep water and cast the net there. They captured a net so full that they needed help to retrieve it. I am seeking divine instruction. Nothing is working out for me as I continually apply for jobs; I am just casting my net by my own works as Peter did fishing. But doing the work as instructed by the Lord will be blessed.
The work of man will not prosper; but the work of the Lord will be blessed.
I can do nothing to persuade my wife, as I perceive her as wandering according to her own flesh (I believe that God has allowed her to be drawn away). Even I have concern for my children as they endure life w/out their daddy. I can do nothing in my wife's relationships with her former lovers. I can do nothing that will keep her from the bar life in Nome. But, I CAN pray about it. I can be granted His peace if criteria is met. The consequence of holding onto resentment caused by her actions is destruction, depression, denial, anger. In exchange for the consideration of holding onto this resentment is asking for the protection of His peace. It is...... an automatic protection of Love. I know the pain 'COULD' hurt me- it is there, but I cannot acknowledge it- I do not care about it. I can just 'KNOW' that His peace is cushioning me from the potential hurtful actions.
I can't help that I can say that I am not well put together, lacking wisdom of the world. So I have nothing to contribute in a worldly fashion. So, my only hope is to go to the Lord in my weakness and ask for His help while I am here on this earth for a little while. I am banking everything in the promise of the word of God.
So, what do I have to do in order for God to have victory in my (His) life???
- Immerse myself in the word of God.
- Begin a consistent, daily prayer life.
- Yield to the convictions of the Lord.
- Learn to anticipate His guidance; hear His voice in a more personal note.
I can say that it is my intention to do what He has designed us to do on earth- that is to serve Him in His will. To raise up disciples and spreading His gospel. To follow in His footsteps and adhere to His teachings and abide in His law.
There are many of people out there hurting in such depth that are in need of a savior. It is my prayer that the Lord would prepare my path before me, seeking provision in ones life that comes across my path. To pray for everybody that comes across my path- as the Lord has prepared it for me. Amen
But, as I try and see if from God's perspective, what is He doing in my life. I believe that He is in the restoration stage in my life. I need much healing and understanding of how He want me to handle my current situation. You see, I am reaping what I have sown in my life. I had premarital sex that basically conceived my marriage. I acted on my flesh and went my own way apart from walking hand in hand with my Lord. He is the giver of life, and when I went on my own destruction path, I ruined God's plan that He had in mind for me. So, it is my belief that He is restoring my life back to what it was once before. Meaning, that He is getting my life back on track with His will.
The Lord walked upon a tree and He was hungry. He seen that it did not BEAR FRUIT and said, "bear fruit no longer".
A season has passed where things will be put to death, and a season of new growth will emerge.
What is God pruning in my life?
All things word together for my good.
He is the author of my life.
Our days are numbered... We did not bring Him any glory in our marriage, just destruction.
Peter fished all night and got nothing. The Lord instructed him to go into the deep water and cast the net there. They captured a net so full that they needed help to retrieve it. I am seeking divine instruction. Nothing is working out for me as I continually apply for jobs; I am just casting my net by my own works as Peter did fishing. But doing the work as instructed by the Lord will be blessed.
The work of man will not prosper; but the work of the Lord will be blessed.
I can do nothing to persuade my wife, as I perceive her as wandering according to her own flesh (I believe that God has allowed her to be drawn away). Even I have concern for my children as they endure life w/out their daddy. I can do nothing in my wife's relationships with her former lovers. I can do nothing that will keep her from the bar life in Nome. But, I CAN pray about it. I can be granted His peace if criteria is met. The consequence of holding onto resentment caused by her actions is destruction, depression, denial, anger. In exchange for the consideration of holding onto this resentment is asking for the protection of His peace. It is...... an automatic protection of Love. I know the pain 'COULD' hurt me- it is there, but I cannot acknowledge it- I do not care about it. I can just 'KNOW' that His peace is cushioning me from the potential hurtful actions.
I can't help that I can say that I am not well put together, lacking wisdom of the world. So I have nothing to contribute in a worldly fashion. So, my only hope is to go to the Lord in my weakness and ask for His help while I am here on this earth for a little while. I am banking everything in the promise of the word of God.
So, what do I have to do in order for God to have victory in my (His) life???
- Immerse myself in the word of God.
- Begin a consistent, daily prayer life.
- Yield to the convictions of the Lord.
- Learn to anticipate His guidance; hear His voice in a more personal note.
I can say that it is my intention to do what He has designed us to do on earth- that is to serve Him in His will. To raise up disciples and spreading His gospel. To follow in His footsteps and adhere to His teachings and abide in His law.
There are many of people out there hurting in such depth that are in need of a savior. It is my prayer that the Lord would prepare my path before me, seeking provision in ones life that comes across my path. To pray for everybody that comes across my path- as the Lord has prepared it for me. Amen
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Issues
I gotta lay down some thoughts/trials that I am facing at this time.
I am having issues in dealing with many aspects in my life that are detrimental to my faith if I do not handle them accordingly.
First, I miss my kids. My own flesh and blood. My highlight of my week; seeing my girls and not being able to hold them. But, what makes it more difficult is... knowing that they are suffering at the same time not being able to see their daddy. It is as if they are now nonexistent to me; like they are fake or not real. They were prominent in my life and now they are gone- just like that. It is hard for me to talk to them because...... I can't see them and it is hard for me not to be there as they are growing up.
I cry out to my Lord in pain as my eyes water. I had at one time, peace in this situation- but that has passed. In what ways can God restore my situation. I think that there are several situations in the bible that correlate to mine. Job. Joseph. David.
I have had this questioning in me- Is God in control??? Well.... I opened a box that I got from my wife's house. In there was a book from Charles Stanley called "Is God in Control?" Albeit, that is what I am looking for. So I read about half of it today, applying the book and thoughts and scripture to my life/situation. I am so glad God has brought this into my life (I have no idea where it came from).
Second, I had put up a wall of defense. I am tired of being abused and taken advantage of verbally. I have lost self-esteem in this matter and out of frustration, WILL NOT PUT UP WITH IT. My dad, mother and wife.
I am having issues in dealing with many aspects in my life that are detrimental to my faith if I do not handle them accordingly.
First, I miss my kids. My own flesh and blood. My highlight of my week; seeing my girls and not being able to hold them. But, what makes it more difficult is... knowing that they are suffering at the same time not being able to see their daddy. It is as if they are now nonexistent to me; like they are fake or not real. They were prominent in my life and now they are gone- just like that. It is hard for me to talk to them because...... I can't see them and it is hard for me not to be there as they are growing up.
I cry out to my Lord in pain as my eyes water. I had at one time, peace in this situation- but that has passed. In what ways can God restore my situation. I think that there are several situations in the bible that correlate to mine. Job. Joseph. David.
I have had this questioning in me- Is God in control??? Well.... I opened a box that I got from my wife's house. In there was a book from Charles Stanley called "Is God in Control?" Albeit, that is what I am looking for. So I read about half of it today, applying the book and thoughts and scripture to my life/situation. I am so glad God has brought this into my life (I have no idea where it came from).
Second, I had put up a wall of defense. I am tired of being abused and taken advantage of verbally. I have lost self-esteem in this matter and out of frustration, WILL NOT PUT UP WITH IT. My dad, mother and wife.
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