EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT!

Early stages of depression, in my scenario has begun with relational stresses w/ other people and my inability to handle the impact to it.

God is giving me an opportunity to understand where I am at in this stage of depression. I can continue to fall into it or chose to focus and meditate in Him. If I continue in depression, I only know that my mind will get skewed in the way it processes information... I don't want to go down that road again.

I go t an opportunity to recollect my mind w/ my dad out of town- to listen to the Truth and do away w/ the lies that I am a loser and everything is a lie.

I think what bothers me most is not being able to tell my life partner all of my troubles- my wife. She is not there for me. It means nothing to her (I'm sure it does, but I get nothing back reassuring me everything will be okay). So, I am stuck where I am at not being able to share w/ anyone.

Are You enough Lord???

I have no Christian friends. I live in a dark home. My wife in an anomaly to me. I have no income to move out. My living situation w/out the Lord is a dead end and death is eminent.


So, in the depth of depression that I currently reside, how can I combat it? How do I invest my trust back into the Lord, whom I have revolted from. What is the reason for this trial... if it is indeed a trial??? So, what do I understand what I see?

I see destruction and Hope, Love. I see the signs of destruction and its road. I also hear the Lord reaching out to me. Do I listen to the Lord and invest my time in Him?

Do I acknowledge my ways before Him so He can make my paths straight?

I know that there is a better way of living than living in depression. I know that there is Truth. Do I put my trust in Him after stripping it from myself; due to the fact that nothing has progressed in my life- no job, no home, financial troubles, living w/ parents, wife out of town, no gas money, EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT! being dependent upon other people for EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT! Can I justify buying an $80 laptop charger as a tool of rehabilitation? All these... I must come to peace with... not war. EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT!

No weapons formed against me will prosper.

With that being said... I can look satan in the eye as I don the Armor of God, with eyes of fire and cast him down w/ my sword.


Lord I pray that the wisdom freely given can be used for Your glory to reach out to my brothers and sisters in the fight against darkness. We are the light of this world and a light that is covered up is rendered useless.