Utter Helplessness

One thing that I have and that the Lord wants me to experience is utter helplessness. I am in a point in my life where I feel like I can do nothing. Nothing correct. The only thing I do is eat, sleep, exercise and be in the word of God. I have no job; no source of income to provide for my wife and children.

But, as I try and see if from God's perspective, what is He doing in my life. I believe that He is in the restoration stage in my life. I need much healing and understanding of how He want me to handle my current situation. You see, I am reaping what I have sown in my life. I had premarital sex that basically conceived my marriage. I acted on my flesh and went my own way apart from walking hand in hand with my Lord. He is the giver of life, and when I went on my own destruction path, I ruined God's plan that He had in mind for me. So, it is my belief that He is restoring my life back to what it was once before. Meaning, that He is getting my life back on track with His will.

The Lord walked upon a tree and He was hungry. He seen that it did not BEAR FRUIT and said, "bear fruit no longer".

A season has passed where things will be put to death, and a season of new growth will emerge.

What is God pruning in my life?

All things word together for my good.

He is the author of my life.

Our days are numbered... We did not bring Him any glory in our marriage, just destruction.

Peter fished all night and got nothing. The Lord instructed him to go into the deep water and cast the net there. They captured a net so full that they needed help to retrieve it. I am seeking divine instruction. Nothing is working out for me as I continually apply for jobs; I am just casting my net by my own works as Peter did fishing. But doing the work as instructed by the Lord will be blessed.

The work of man will not prosper; but the work of the Lord will be blessed.

I can do nothing to persuade my wife, as I perceive her as wandering according to her own flesh (I believe that God has allowed her to be drawn away). Even I have concern for my children as they endure life w/out their daddy. I can do nothing in my wife's relationships with her former lovers. I can do nothing that will keep her from the bar life in Nome. But, I CAN pray about it. I can be granted His peace if criteria is met. The consequence of holding onto resentment caused by her actions is destruction, depression, denial, anger. In exchange for the consideration of holding onto this resentment is asking for the protection of His peace. It is...... an automatic protection of Love. I know the pain 'COULD' hurt me- it is there, but I cannot acknowledge it- I do not care about it. I can just 'KNOW' that His peace is cushioning me from the potential hurtful actions.

I can't help that I can say that I am not well put together, lacking wisdom of the world. So I have nothing to contribute in a worldly fashion. So, my only hope is to go to the Lord in my weakness and ask for His help while I am here on this earth for a little while. I am banking everything in the promise of the word of God.

So, what do I have to do in order for God to have victory in my (His) life???
- Immerse myself in the word of God.
- Begin a consistent, daily prayer life.
- Yield to the convictions of the Lord.
- Learn to anticipate His guidance; hear His voice in a more personal note.

I can say that it is my intention to do what He has designed us to do on earth- that is to serve Him in His will. To raise up disciples and spreading His gospel. To follow in His footsteps and adhere to His teachings and abide in His law.

There are many of people out there hurting in such depth that are in need of a savior. It is my prayer that the Lord would prepare my path before me, seeking provision in ones life that comes across my path. To pray for everybody that comes across my path- as the Lord has prepared it for me. Amen